The Gift My Parents Gave Me—and Why We Need to Talk to Our Loved Ones Now

The holidays are one of the few times when families slow down, share space, and reconnect. It’s also the perfect moment to have the conversations so many of us avoid—especially with aging parents who don’t want to talk about planning, or spouses who keep putting it off.

I have been on both sides of that resistance.
Many of us know what it’s like to gently remind a parent, “We really need to get this in place,” only to hear, “I’m fine,” or “We’ll deal with that later.” And many of us have sat across from a partner who nods, agrees, and somehow never makes the appointment.

But here is what I know from personal experience: thoughtful planning is one of the greatest gifts our loved ones can give us.

My parents planned ahead—and when the time came, my sister and I were not left to untangle accounts, search for documents, or guess what they wanted. Their planning allowed me to grieve without being overwhelmed. They made a hard season so much easier, and I will forever be grateful for that gift.

That’s why these conversations matter.
Not to scare our loved ones.
Not to control their choices.
But to make sure we aren’t scrambling later when clarity would have been so simple to create now.

A gentle way to open the door is:
“I want to make sure things are easy for us as a family. Can we talk about a few things while we’re all together?”

A few tips that help break through resistance:

• Pick a calm moment. Not during chaos—maybe after dinner, during a quiet car ride, or on a morning walk.

• Acknowledge their discomfort. “I know this isn’t easy, but it’s important to me.”

• Start with values, not documents. Ask what matters most to them and what they want for the family.

• Share your why. Tell them planning brought you peace when you needed it most. That story carries weight.

And once the conversation starts, follow-through is crucial. Talking is the beginning—but a clear, updated estate plan is what actually protects your family when the time comes.

This holiday season, consider giving your parents, your spouse, and yourself the gift my parents gave me: clarity, ease, and the comfort of knowing that love—not chaos—will lead the way when it matters most.